Mismatched Libido Is Common. Staying Stuck Doesn’t Have to Be.
Maybe one of you wants more sex.
Maybe the other feels shut down, pressured, or just plain tired.
Maybe both of you feel hurt, rejected, or misunderstood.
You love each other - and yet, this one topic keeps overshadowing everything else.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
I work with couples navigating mismatched libidos - not just to have “more” or “less” sex, but to actually understand each other again. To take sex off the battlefield and turn it into a place of connection, care, and play.
To make it feel good again. To make it hot again.
Why It Happens
Mismatched libido doesn’t mean something’s broken
It usually means something important is unspoken.
Desire is complex. It’s shaped by more than just attraction - things like stress, parenting, resentment, hormones, shame, performance anxiety, and unspoken fantasies all play a role. When these layers stay buried, it’s easy to misinterpret distance or shutdown as a lack of interest - when it’s really something deeper trying to surface.
Underneath the frustration, there’s often a raw, unspoken longing:
To feel wanted. Desired. Chosen.
To not be the only one initiating - or the only one carrying the weight of why it’s not happening.
To stop feeling rejected, or like sex is a chore, or like you’re always letting someone down.
The good news? These patterns can shift. And when they do, it’s not just that couples start having sex again - it’s that they start craving each other again. The spark reignites. Glances linger. Touch feels electric. Sex stops being a source of tension and starts becoming a place of play, curiosity, and deep, hungry connection. A place where you feel wanted again. Where you want to want - and be wanted - in return.
Why Typical Solutions Fall Short
You’ve probably already tried a few things.
Scheduled it. Initiated more. Pulled back.
Tried to want it. Tried to stop wanting it.
Maybe you’ve even told yourself, This shouldn’t matter so much.
But nothing seems to shift the core issue:
One of you ends up feeling unwanted.
The other feels like sex is a chore.
And neither of you feels fully understood.
Mismatched desire isn’t about being broken or selfish or withholding.
It’s about the emotional patterns underneath the dynamic - resentment, shame, rejection, grief - that most “solutions” never address.
How I Help You Fix it
We won’t just talk about how often you’re having sex.
We’ll get underneath the surface - into the stuck patterns, the unspoken hurts, and the deeper longings shaping your dynamic.
Maybe one of you craves closeness through sex.
Maybe the other needs to feel emotionally safe before they can even think about intimacy.
Maybe sex has become loaded with pressure, or rejection, or silence.
Whatever the pattern, we’ll name it - together - and shift it.
In our work, you’ll learn to talk about sex without shutting down or starting a fight.
You’ll start understanding what turns each other on, not just physically, but emotionally.
You’ll rebuild erotic trust - the kind that makes you want to reach for each other again, not out of obligation, but because it feels good to want and be wanted.
This isn’t about just having more sex.
It’s about creating the kind of connection where sex stops being a battleground and starts becoming a playground again.
Next Steps
We’ll start with a free 15-minute consultation call - or some emails - so you can get a feel for what it’s like to work with me - and see if I’m the right fit for you.
If it feels like a good match, we’ll meet over Zoom in a confidential, supportive space. You don’t need to come in with the perfect words. I’ll guide you step by step as we slow things down and begin practicing tools that calm your system and help you understand what’s really been driving this pattern.
Most couples feel relief after the first session and a sense of clarity about why it’s been happening.